Is there any possibility that a partner who has cheated in the past could ever change their behavior?
Can cheaters be faithful?: Anyone who has ever been the victim of infidelity will tell you without hesitation that a partner who has cheated even once is likely to do so again in the future. This kind of person’s fear is completely understandable given their previous experience with being burned.
And it is even worse if they forgave the partner, only for that partner to then go out there and do it again, over and over again, until every last teeny tiny bit of trust is scraped off their partner’s souls.
However, it seems like that is only a portion of the story. Cheaters do indeed change.
“I know someone who was once a bad cheat,” Freddie [not his real name], a bachelor in Lagos, says.
“At the height of his philandering, he once locked out his visiting girlfriend till he finished with his sidechick. When he was done, he put the side chick in his flatmate’s room before going to open the door for his girlfriend who was in tears at the embarrsassment. Nothing happened and he remained in a relationship with her for a long time after that.” These days though, he’s in a new relationship and he’s so faithful to his girlfriend. Another woman could be naked in front of him and he would walk away. He’s that faithful”
People who believe that “once a cheater, always a cheater” are grossly underestimating people’s capacity for change, according to Tammy Nelson, an American couples’ therapist and the author of “The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity.” Nelson says that the phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater” is a common example of this.
“People who say a cheater can’t change have never felt the awful guilt that comes when you realize you’ve made a terrible mistake by having a one-night stand or an affair,” she said. The real threat of losing a relationship they value could teach people to come to their senses and act right if their partner would have them back. Cheating really does not have to be the end of a relationship. It is important to keep in mind that cheating does not automatically mean the end of a relationship. It may inspire partners to value their relationship more than they have in the past and to cling to it even more tightly than before.
People have been known to get involved in things they shouldn’t be doing when they reach the lowest point in their unresolved relationship issues and disconnection from their partners, despite the fact that this is the incorrect way to handle disagreements in a relationship.
A partner who is unfaithful may one day come to their senses and decide to stop engaging in the behavior, regardless of whether or not their infidelity was ever discovered. It might be a little unfair to not give them the benefit of the doubt that they could alter their behavior in some way. But staying faithful and not cheating at all is preferable to cheating and causing pain to people who love you before coming to your senses because staying faithful means you won’t have to hurt anyone.
Because there are some situations in which there simply is no chance for true redemption.
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